Great Expectations.

Expectations. Life is full of them. Some expectations are glorious surprises that exceed our wildest dreams and some fall short. It's usually the ones that fall short that leave the deepest lasting impressions and the ones that for some reason we dwell on. How can one expect our friends to intuitively know when we need a note of encouragement or a phone call hello? That isn't a fair assessment of friendship. When we expect things to turn out a certain way and they don't; invariably we are set up for disappointment be it a job interview that doesn't land the job, how a significant other responds or doesn't to a situation or internally how we will handle that disappointment.

It's been almost three months since I've last sat at my computer to write in my blog. There has been plenty to write about but the words have failed me. I keep ruminating on why that is or what is scaring me into me into silence.

Life continues to be a challenge here on O'ahu and the island just recently made #1, edging out NY for the most expensive city to live in. I still have 'sticker shock' whenever I go to the grocery store and know that number will only rise as we prepare to welcome twin girls sometime early next year.

At almost 24 weeks along so far all looks great with A & B (the medical term for twins) and they are finally large enough to be felt moving all around jockeying for space within my belly. It's an absolutely surreal experience. I'm honored, humbled and amazed daily at what the body is capable of. It's truly a miracle - the conception and carrying of a child. (Or in our case children.) We were both overwhelmed, overjoyed, surprised and in shock when we heard about the news of twins but it is slowly starting to sink in.

I've had a great pregnancy thus far, not a day of nausea but the back pain I'm experiencing on behalf of a bulging belly and out of whack spine has proven to be quite painful. All in all they have been great 'kids' so far and I can only hope that carries forward through to life on the outside.

The hardest part I have to admit is emotionally wrapping my hands around this experience. It's incredibly hard to not have friends and family close to share in the daily changes, growth and movements. I am having to reconcile what I envisioned the experience would be like with what my reality is; which is ok, but a reconciliation process is an adjustment in itself. Everything happened so fast and so unexpectedly (twins!) and while I'm blessed at the outcome there is a period of adjustment that is necessary not to mention the need for a support group which I'm currently lacking here on O'ahu.

Future decisions are forever predicated on the lives of these two unborn girls and each decision made must take their best interest to heart. My happiness is tied to the happiness of my family and what is best for us; now as a family. I wish I could magically snap my fingers and make all our dreams come true but know and trust in time and with faith, they will. I have to believe that...

For now I will relish in the greatest expectation of all; the birth of our twin girls. I will try and take it one day at a time and not go down the list of 'what if's' or 'I wants' and be grateful for all I have, here and now.